I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
