Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
