Do you still have your period?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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