literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
