When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
