dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
