his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
