Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
