Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize