I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
