His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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