Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
