I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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