i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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