Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
wow bdsm is so cute
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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