I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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