The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
