my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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