I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
