I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
