Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
