thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
