Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
