Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize