i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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