It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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