I hope mine doesn't look like that
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So much Jack, so little girl.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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