Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she smelled like a LAN party
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
