shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
