I just pynch a tree in the face
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
