Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
