Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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