I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
