Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
