There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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