my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
