im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
