need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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