Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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