I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
