Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
