She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
