Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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