I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
