Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
