dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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