chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
