woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
