Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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