your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
