Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
