Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize