Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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