i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
