Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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