know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
