its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
