To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
