I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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