dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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