WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
