I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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