wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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