I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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