Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
