He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
