stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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