Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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