this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
