Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
