We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
