I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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