she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
