It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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