i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
