ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
