okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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