Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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