It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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