thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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