dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
