Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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