you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
